Let's say that- by some fluke of time, circumstance, lack of visits to shopping centers (and thus their ubiquitous festive decorations), and the frantic, high-stress qualities of your day job- that you have managed to completely miss the fact that today is a holiday that is celebrated by one in seven human beings on Earth.

And loathed by at least one magic mythical fat man.

And let's just say that you've managed to forget to, at some point in the past, reach into your limited coffers and extract enough money to buy gifts for, and thus arbitrarily prove to, your loved ones that you love them, as society demands in no small way.

And let's just say that some of those loved ones like to read. And have various book-reading devices with which they do that.

Well, luckily, there is hope. You can give the only gift your loved ones will need- will ever need- right here, right now.

You can give them a gift that will trump all gifts, past, present and future. Give the only gift that will alter their lives, invariably for the better, forever. Give the only gift in all the land that they will appreciate so much, and find so uniquely fulfilling, that they will dedicate an entire week of their lives every year until death just to thank you.

For giving meaning to their lives so richly, your loved ones will compose sonnets in your name, erect statues of your likeness, and petition their local governments to rename all the streets in their neighborhoods after you. Guaranteed!

What could this gift possibly be?

It is the gift of me, of course.

Give them the gift of Mister Mercury, or The Devil Still Has My Lawnmower, or The Mad Scientist. The short story collection and the standalone are available in all formats (and they're free), but Mister Mercury, at this juncture, is only available for the Kindle.

“But Giando,” you might say, “What if one of my soon-to-be-rapturous loved ones has got a reading device that is not compatible with the Kindle format, i.e. all of them, and they still want to read your book?”

Well, fan-that-exists-in-my-head, there are a few options for you. You can get calibre- my favorite computer program ever developed by a human being- and convert the .mobi version into an .epub version. Or you can... say... find some way of contacting me, and I just might make sure that an .epub version ends up in your email inbox, somehow.

Christmas is a time for giving, is it not?

It's a magical time, friends, and what could be more magical than a life-changing work from an up-and-coming author like myself? Consider the lives you will be improving and the parades that will be held in your honor. The future of the world is at stake

Or you can go about your business and condemn me to a life of obscurity and artificially inflated internet egotism.

The choice is yours.