Category: "Writing/publishing"

If Anderson Cooper were an Action Hero...

One of the disadvantages of being a brilliant creative ultra- prodigy is that brilliant creative ultra- prodigies don't often have time to produce their great works as fast as they can conceive them.  I unfortunately don't live in the year 5067, when there will be machines capable of producing fully realized novels complete with likeable characters and coherent motivations just by feeding its basic premise into the input slot.

No. I have to begrudgingly hammer away on physical keyboards, pushing my work upon my friends as if they were drugs (sorry about that), revising, re-revising, and telling myself that it will totally be done in six months even though it's absolutely and definitely been longer than five years since I first said that.

And so the term the back burner was coined for, or possibly by, creative types such as myself. There might be an infinite amount of ideas in the world, but only a finite amount of time with which to work on them. So we put our works on the "back burner," hoping that it's the sort of dish that will still be good after a long simmer instead of, say, a trip to the mental microwave.

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This is is how badly I need a prompt

I was at a poetry reading recently, when the hostess started handing out pads of papers and markers, telling us to write something, right there, on the spot, to be read that very night. Twenty minutes later this came out. I'm told it's good, but I just think it's silly.

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Have you ever thought to yourself, "Man, wouldn't my life be SO AWESOME if there were TWICE as much Mister Mercury in it?"

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My mustachoid friend Corwin has written a novel, and it is now on Eat Your Serial.

My friend Corwin Scott Gibson fancies himself a hipster, but he's not. I think that will be the nicest thing I say about him, for now. I first met him at a Mexican restaurant with my friend Valerie (who saved me from work-induced insanity by summoning her boyfriend Aram to drive me to the hospital, as mentioned in a previous post), and I liked him. That alone was proof enough that he was not a hipster, as I have a tendency to punch all hipsters in the face the moment I am aware of them.

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Things I've Learned Being a Literature Prostitute

There's a mantra I have. When the going gets rough, and life gets me down, I just recite these words of wisdom and encouragement:

"People are stupid, and I hate them."

Never is this more apparent than when you've become an author and are suddenly solely responsible for spreading the Gospel of You. Got a book published? Congratulations. Put on some makeup, you're a whore now, just like your mom.

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It's like having a second job that pays you nothing!

Ah, the life of the writer: Endless editing, drawing for hours on end, shelling out money for artwork for covers, appeasing publishers and agents alike... all without seeing a dime!


I suppose I ought to get used to it. And it could be worse. It's not like I'm still making payments on my hat.

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